Go to 'Day Service' they said. You will be watched all day by a trained midwife. They will assess how you respond to your baby's cues. They will watch what you do over the course of a day. You must be there at 9am.
OK I said, feeling pressured.
Baby did not wake up until 9am. I had been up since 6, just in case. We rush and arrive at the centre at 9.45am. They decide that they cannot see me until 10.15am. We go for a walk.
I had been told to bring EVERYTHING I needed for the day. The car is packed to the brim with rockers, mats, clothes, food, toys. I look like I am moving house. Or deserting my husband.
'Oh there must have been a misunderstanding' they say when I ask for assistance with getting items out of my car.
Everywhere I look, I see signs that say 'QUIET! SLEEPING BABY'. I immediately know that this is not for me. I do not want to be at a daytime sleep school! The nurse comes out and assures me that it is not this, so we book in.
Bloody bullshit! First chance they get they are putting CupCake to sleep and telling me to shoosh. We weren't allowed to play, or talk. We are allowed to have lunch, then it's back to sleep again. Except CupCake won't sleep. Each time she rests, madly sucking her dummy, with eyes shut if you are lucky.
The nurse continues to rock the crib in a Parkinsons-like fashion. She tells me off for giving the baby eye contact or for talking. I tell her that I don't rock my baby to sleep nor do I have her in a dark room during the day. I tell her that I will not be replicating this at home and that any issues the baby has are due to her reflux.
The nurse insists that the baby has sleep issues. I ask how many hours a day a 10 week old should sleep for. She guards the document which details this with her arm. This reminds me of an 8 year old undertaking a spelling test.
13.5 hours she says, rocking the cot more furiously. She gets close to that, I say, and I am not replicating what you are doing when I get home.
I am bored out of my mind, and so is CupCake. After 5 long hours I feign a headache and we go home to play. As my Grandfather said 'they are just trying to justify their own jobs (by inventing that something is wrong with me)'.
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