Efficiency is bringing in the bin straight after you hear the rubbish men swing past. To further save on time, today I brought both the general waste and green waste bins in at the same time. Each arm yanked a bin. Job done, I thought to myself.
Several hours later I heard the bin men come around again. Oh no!! It turned out that I still had a bin full of dirty nappies! I did not check if BOTH bins were empty when I brought them in. Hello maggot breeding ground. Time to set the bin on fire I say.
Further efficiencies today involved me going for a walk to get the bowels moving. I was in need of a good fart. After a few steps, I felt the urge to go. Oh this is going to be a cracker, I thought to myself. POP POP POP POP I went.
I was in a quiet suburban street, with no traffic. Big mistake. Several retirees lifted their heads from beneath rose bushes and stared at me, horrified at the commoner strolling past. Note to self, take different route or wear i-pod next time. If I can't hear it, neither can they.
The day didn't improve. On my return home, I shook my coffee cup vigorously, throwing brown water every which way. And I drank from the baby's bottle. It does not pay to be ambidextrous sometimes.
But the big mystery of today is, why do so many people have their blinds drawn during the day?
I have several theories. They might be shift workers, drug houses or vampires.
But more than likely, they are silverfish breeders. That's better that than a pigeon fancier I say!
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