Day 167 - 25.07.2012

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I am inherently boring,

I have nothing of interest to say, and no time to define what I do in any kind of jovial manner.

From now on these posts will be ad hoc, as we progress towards the end of this experiment.

Day 166 - 24.07.2012

Sure I have access to the internet, and as a result all sorts of wonderful clothes.  But being at home means greater access to chocolate, Hungry Jack's, chips and cake.  This in turn leads to a greater accumulation of fat cells.  

It appears a strict diet is in order, before I throw myself into an early grave.  (Or the River Torrens, as I am too unfit to dig a hole.)

Day 165 - 23.07.2012

As many right turns, there have been wrong.

As many harsh words, there have been sweet.

Life averages 50 / 50, at it's best, at it's peak.

Day 164 - 22.07.2012

What I find weird - people who use both hands top blow their nose.  Even in bed.

I'd lose my balance and roll out.

Day 163 - 21.07.2012

Dislike - clothes that pill the first time you wash them... particularly as I have not seen a clothes de-fuzzer on the market since the 90's.

Day 162 - 20.07.2012

It's been 24 hours since I phoned a help line asking what to do about a baby that won't stop screaming.

No-one has called me back.

Day 161 - 19.07.2012

3.00pm is much like 3.00am.  It is too late for anything good to happen.

3am is the cut-off for one night stand pick-ups, as 3pm is for school pick-ups.

Day 160 - 18.07.2012

Due to a lack of babysitters (i.e. none), I now take CupCake to my appointments.  Today was physio.

I tricked her, and afterwards drove to the boon docks to do some shopping. 

CupCake arked up when it looked like I might spend too much money, and got me back to the car.  She used a special yelling technique.

I retaliated by changing her nappy in the car boot.

Day 159 - 17.07.2012

Two women are in the supermarket.  They are inspecting clothes whitener. 'Napisan' to be precise.

One woman turns to the other and says:  'This is what I use to clean my underwear'.

Then an Irishman, an Englishman and a Welshman walk into the chocolate bar area....

Day 158 - 16.07.2012

Apparently I am too efficient at putting the baby to sleep during the day, and this is why she is waking in the wee hours.  Or so a mid-wife says.

But what to do?  I can't keep a 4 and a half month old baby awake endlessly throughout the day.

I think they have it wrong.

Day 157 - 15.07.2012

I have a whole wheel of Triple Cream Brie that expires today.  Guess what's for dinner???

Day 156 - 14.07.2012

The baby rolled today - one way!  But I missed it.  She did it for Dad.

Day 155 - 13.07.2012

Busy day today.  And a screaming baby in the car.

Day 154 - 12.07.2012

I have termites. Literally.  

In a jar.

Perhaps I could turn the termites into a lucrative on-line business?

I could capture them for people to release into the home of their greatest enemy.

I'd charge $25 per ant, and people would pay.

After all, I have no competitors in the market-place.

Day 153 - 11.07.2012

Today I wonder, is there anyone who does NOT recycle gift bags?

Also, where is the best place to hide chocolate?  I feel like sneak-eating.

Day 152 - 10.07.2012

My baby was a bit of a show-off at mother's group.

She decided to blow raspberries through-out the whole session, when others had stated that their babies were not yet doing this.  (Apparently it aids them to develop speech).

As if that wasn't attention-seeking enough, whilst everyone else sat quietly, CupCake made sure everyone could see her by continually doing high-kicks in the air.

And when she had exhausted herself, CupCake entered screaming mode.  

A Diva must not be ignored!

Day 151 - 9.07.2012

I wonder if the baby pees in the bath?

Day 150 - 8.7.2012

The baby appears to be a nudist. CupCake likes nothing more than pants off time on her bunny rug.  Perhaps for her 18th birthday I could buy her an annual pass to the local nudist resort?  (I think they are called naturist parks these days.) 

I always picture naturists as bird watchers.  I am not sure why.  I suppose it allows people to perve through binoculars and still look like they are doing an alternate activity.  And I don't care what they say.  If I was a man I'd have an erection all the time at a nudist camp.  Unless of course, all the chicks were fugly.

Now you must excuse me, it appears that the baby's pelvic floor has given way.

Day 149 - 7.7.2012

Every so often I google myself.

Why?

Just in case someone has posted nude pictures of me.  

(I'd like to see what my boobs used to look like.)

But what did I find today?

Impostors!

Google says that this is me:

This is my partner (I get a choice of before and after):

That this is my sister:

This is my mother:

This is one of my close friends:

This is my Grandfather:

This is my next-door neighbour:

And that this is God:

Perhaps we are all in the witness protection programme?

Day 148 - 6.7.2012

I think the ghost has shifted home with me. 

Tonight before bed, I smelt doughnuts both inside and outside the bathroom.

To tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind a baked good about now.

Day 147 - 5.07.2012

The baby will only communicate with me via raspberries.  And they are quite juicy.

Gone are the smiles and coos.  It's hello to tongues and bubbles of spit.

Day 146 - 4.7.2012

The bathroom has suddenly developed black mould spores. But how, I thought to myself? They have never been there before. Not in 30 years have I seen them.

Then I remembered. The previous occupants had never used the shower nor bath. They did not create masses of steam.

They were sponge bathers!

Day 145 - 3.07.2012

Some people get over it, others get on with it, but most go on about it.

Day 144 - 2.07.2012

It's funny how over time you can't remember dead relatives birthdays.  I think today might be my Uncle's birthday, but I can no longer be sure.  A quick trip to the cemetery would fix this dilemma.  But how would I explain it to CupCake?  She would probably think that we were at a gardening shop. One that sells flower arrangements and feature stone walls.  And some of them are quite pretty, I wouldn't mind the one below in my front yard.

Day 143 - 1.07.2012

Why have a shop if all you sell is two tiny racks of clothing, in miniscule sizing?

Why advise by social media that you have a sale on and stock plus-sizes?  A plus-sized what?  Fascinator?

And they wonder why we all shop online thesedays.