Day 9 – 18.02.2012

The terms DYI & BYO have taken on new meanings.

I am now a DYI doctor.

Case 1: I went to the Obstetrician’s office to have a vaginal swab taken for the common bacterium called Group B streptococcus. This is a routine procedure conducted before you give birth. If you are positive for Group B, you will be given antibiotics so that you don’t pass the germs onto the baby at birth.

So I am sitting there in my best knickers, ready for the knees up when lo and behold, the midwife gives me a long cotton bud and tells me to go to the toilets and do it myself. Pardon? Since when are doctor’s shy about seeing what’s in my knickers?

Case 2: I’ve had gestational diabetes for 2 months now, but no-one ever checks my notes. I was asked to fill in a book & capture four times a day what I eat and what my blood glucose level scores are. The doctor, as he shuffles me out of his office, asks me if my levels are OK. He takes my word for it when I say yes.

This is all very trusting, but I don’t recall specializing in endocrinology and obstetrics at University!

I am also a BYO hospital orderly.

I was asked by a friend if my hospital bag was packed. I said no, how can it be? I am still using the items that I need for hospital.

These days, at a top private hospital in a capital city, you need to bring your own nappies for the baby, your own soap, maternity pads, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and toothbrush.

You need to pack as if you are going camping.

What do they do if you forget to bring the nappies? Leave the baby to poo and wee in the crib? I’ll just keep moving it to a new crib if this is the case. The stinky ones can be lined up outside my room.

Since this appears to be a ‘no expense spared’ exercise, I think I’ll leave the hair and makeup products at home. In for a penny, in for a pound, I may as well place a mobile hairdresser and makeup artist on a daily rate for my hospital stay. And hire a sushi chef.

Interestingly, the hospital advised me by letter during the week that nursery fees are not necessarily covered by insurance companies. The fee for this service is $1095 per night.

I didn’t realize that a nursery was now considered a separate entity.

If something goes askew, I’m catching the first bus to the public hospital, with baby in tow. Knowing my luck, the bus driver will tell me that he is feeling a little unwell and could I possibly finish the run for him?