Today CupCake and I visited the nursing home where my Grandfather lives.
As usual, she slept through the whole experience, leading him to believe that she is a cherubic child. My theory is that she is used to hearing us wax lyrical, as she travelled to the nursing home several times a week whilst in utero.
CupCake's listening skills do worry me. What will her first words be? I have taken to saying 'bok bok chicken' to make her burp. What if 'bok' is her first word? And is 'bok' a word?
She may say 'Liquorland', as my Grandfather is prone to doing. Or she might be more left-field and replicate the shrill sound of the alarm clock? Time will tell.
I go to the nursing home to receive 'Don't tell the midwives anything if you are feeling depressed - they will take your baby away' advice. I also go to give 'Don't threaten the staff with knives or they might detain you under the Mental Health Act' advice. No-one else can make my Grandfather and I stay on track.
Today I was offered a few extra pearls of wisdom. One related to child-rearing. My Grandfather stated: 'The little kids are like dogs, when you talk softly to them they listen. It doesn't work all the time - you have to have an occasional smack.'
The other related to security.
I questioned if my Grandfather was afraid of being broken into. He said no. When I queried why not, he said: 'Number one, I learn karate and I know how to chop, and number two, I can throw the knife'.*
He even had actions, and pretended to chop an imaginary person in the throat. I am worried about the knife though. His throw is not good - it is more like a drop. Therefore his own feet would be at risk if a burglar broke in. Perhaps he needs a samurai sword. That way the tip will land away from him, and may trip over an intruder.
* My Grandfather is of indeterminable ethnic descent. Choose your own accent when reading this in broken English.
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