Day 81 - 30.04.2012

People are always commenting on my baby.  They appear in dress shops, pop out from behind sticks of celery, or comment whilst I am choosing a dvd.  Typically they ask me if the baby is a boy or girl before launching into inane commentary. I have learnt to decipher their 'compliments'.

This is what I now hear:

'Look at that beautiful baby'

Translation: It's better looking than the mother, and that's not difficult to achieve!

'Is it a boy or a girl?'

Translation: What the fuck is that thing?

'Your baby has very chubby cheeks'

Translation: I bet it has cellulite on it's arse.

'Does she cry much?'

Translation: I hope you get one hour's sleep per night.

'What a gorgeous smile'.

Translation: Where's the teeth? She is developmentally behind!

'Did she weigh much at birth?'

Translation: You put on a lot of pregnancy weight!

'Will you have another?'

Translation: Are you having sex with your husband yet?

'Where did you get that outfit?'

Translation: I hope you didn't pay too much for that ugly pink onesie!

'Did you get many hand-me-downs from relatives?'

Translation: You look poor.

'I bet the Grandparents are proud!'

Translation: Love is blind.

'She likes to talk!'

Translation: Shut that thing up - I'm trying to eat in peace!

'Does she like going for walks?'

Translation: Can you take her for one now?

'Her hair looks blonde'

Translation: Are you the parents or was an embryo donated?

'Someone is going to fall in love with her unusual eye colour'

Translation: What a freak!